Confidence...

People always amaze me when they say they think of me as a confident person.

Me, confident? Really?! Of all the words to describe myself, I don’t think confident would be one of them. I still need someone to hold my hand!

What those people don’t see behind the so called “confident” façade, is the inner monolog going on in my head.

“Ok Sarah, you can do this… Shoulders back, hold your head high, smile…… be friendly…. now say hello…. Good, now nod.……..agree…… pretend you know what they are taking about…….say something smart……….no! don’t start babbling………..ok stop taking……..really, stop taking……..…..STOP TALKING NOW!” And on and on it goes.

My inner voice is constantly at war! It’s like a Jekyll and Hyde situation going on, good vs evil, confident vs self-doubter.

While doing some research this week, I came across the website “Pick The Brain”, where this line jumped out at me –

“Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits!”

Yes, exactly! And it can sometimes be a fine line. There are times when I genuinely do feel confident, and it feels like anything is possible. But the feeling of being scared out of my wits usually wins out.

I am a creature of habit, so anything out of my comfort zone is, well, uncomfortable. When in an uncomfortable situation, 9 times out of 10 I don’t feel confident, but as long as I am the only one who knows that, then it's ok. 

My motto – "If you think you can or you can’t, than you are probably right!"

It applies to so many situations. But in the context of confidence I’ve changed the motto slightly to “pretend to know what you are doing or talking about, then everyone around you will think you do.”

It honestly works! I’ve learnt it all comes down to how people perceive you. You may be feeling one thing, for example not confident, but it all comes down to how you portray it.

Let me give you an example - About 2 years ago while I was still an office trainee, I was asked to give a presentation in front of the head honchos of my organisation. This including my boss, his boss, his boss’s boss and his boss’s boss’s boss!

At first my immediate reaction was hell no! But after thinking about it, I decided it was a good opportunity for me, so I agreed.

Anway, cutting to the chase, the big day came. I had dressed in my power suit and my cue cards were ready. I stepped up to the mic and started to give my presentation.

It felt like I melting into a pool of sweat, while shaking and mumbling and stumping all over the place with my words. But thankfully, I got through it.

Once I had finished and everyone was getting ready to leave, my boss’s boss’s boss, the Assistant General Manager, made a bee line for me. I immediately thought oh crap! I did terrible and he’s coming to tell me.

But little did I know, he was actually coming over to congratulate me on an amazing job, it was as great presentation. He told me that I was clear, confident and concise. He also made the point of telling me how impressed he was that I hid my nerves and held it together, because most people go to pieces having to do presentations like that in front of their bosses…………………..

I couldn’t believe it! Were we just in the same room and at the same presentation? I thought I was going to pieces? But it seems only on the inside. The outside was a cool, calm, collected and professional young lady………. apparently!

You see, perception is reality my friends. Because I was portraying being cool, calm and collected, everyone thought I was.

Maybe that saying “Fake it till you make it” has some truth. Act and pretend you are confident, and eventually you will learn how to be for real! I know it’s taught me.

I once read somewhere -

To successfully build self-confidence, you must use your thoughts to create an image of who you want to be, and your emotions to help you feel this amazing new you and then visualise & focus on it until it becomes your reality.

Confidence is such a personal thing. It is a pretty broad term and can be difficult to define as it is so different for everyone.  

To me, someone who is confident believes in themselves, their talents, their choices, their abilities and their personal strength. There is nothing more beautiful or attractive than a confident person!

However, confidence & self esteem are not to be confused. They are two different things, but often they go hand in hand.

As the website www.healthyplace.com states:

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall; how much esteem, positive regard or self-love you have. Self-esteem develops from experiences and situations that have shaped how you view yourself today.

 Self-confidence is how you feel about your abilities and can vary from situation to situation. I may have healthy self-esteem, but low confidence about situations involving math (this is true).

When you love yourself, your self-esteem improves, which makes you more confident. When you are confident in areas of your life, you begin to increase your overall sense of esteem. You can work on both at the same time.

We all have those days when you feel down on yourself and your self esteem is low. But sometimes low self esteem can be a learned behavior. You need to do something about it! Breaking and changing behavior and habits starts with you. You are in control and need to change it.

You need to ignore that negative voice inside your head that brings you down, and instead focus on the positive. Be optimistic and kind to yourself.

One of the keys to confidence is staying true to yourself! Be confident in who you are and the decisions you make.

Make decisions and do whatever feels right for you, no matter what other people think you should do, or worrying about what they will think. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t listen to other people’s advice, but in the end you need to make a decision that is right for you.

It is easier said than done, I know! I am a people pleaser. But lately I have been focusing on making decisions that are right for me and my life, without worrying about being judged or how people will feel about it. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first. I am also learning to speak up for myself and to voice my opinion; without worrying about what other people may think, or worrying they will disagree.

Creating this Blog was a big step for me! Putting all my thoughts out there for people to read and judge was scary! Now I’m so glad I did. It has been such a liberating experience, and I have gained so much confidence from it. I challenged myself and am proud of doing so.

So there you have it, my thoughts on confidence.

I encourage you to challenge yourself. Find that confidence you are lacking, believe in yourself, your talents, your choices, your abilities and your own personal strength.

 I will leave you with some tips to help you on your way……..

• Surround yourself with people that build you up, not tear you down.
• Be kind to yourself, don’t tear yourself down. Love yourself.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. You are you, an original! Uniquely made. Enjoy where you are at in life right now.
• Fear is crippling. The feeling of accomplishing something you feared far outweighs the fear itself.
• Recognize your insecurities, accept them. They are a part of you and make you who you are!
• Learn your strengths.
• Be positive.
• Stick to your principles. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.
• Be willing to take risks.
• Admit mistakes and learn from them.
• Accept compliments.
• Stay true to yourself.

Lastly, remember there is nothing more beautiful or attractive than a confident person.

Let your confidence radiate and inspire others!

Till next time,

Sarah xox