A Quick Update

Good evening my wonderful readers,

Hoping you are all having a great weekend.

Apologies for my absence of late. I have been working on various projects, both at work and in my personal life. Which has left me with not much in the tank; both physically and mentally. So unfortunately, my Blog has been poorly neglected.

Yesterday I attended a conference for work at Customs House in Circular Quay, Sydney. The conference was called LiveWire and it is Local Government professionals who come together to build leadership capacity, gain valuable skills, learn how to influence positive change and network with others.

LiveWire 2012

The conference was a great day and I am still on a high and feeling invigorated.

Partly due to the conference itself and what I got out of it; but also because I stepped out of my comfort zone and challenged myself, it’s a great feeling and I am proud of myself.

I absolutely loved heading to Sydney for the conference. At first I was a little nervous heading off to the big smoke. My sense of direction is hopeless and so I tend to get lost from time to time. I don’t own a GPS because I have a husband who is a walking GPS, so I normally don't need one. But lucky for me, a co-worker was heading to the conference with me and he was pretty city-savvy.

Sydney is an amazing city filled with life! I loved experiencing life if the fast corporate lane, even if only for 24 hours.

View from my hotel room

Customs House is an incredible place, so rich in history. It was initially constructed in 1844-1845 and served as headquarters of the Customs Service until 1900. Nowadays Customs House is a venue for events and private exhibitions and is also the home to the City of Sydney Library.

Customs House

Convict David O’Connor, from the First Fleet, was hanged on site in 1790 and it is rumoured that his ghost still haunts Customs House wandering around, offering people rum. I was on the lookout for him, but can’t say I saw him.

So long story short, just dropping by to let you all know I haven't disappeared but I am working on a new post for my blog, which I hope to have up this weekend. Hoping to share some of what I learnt from the motivational speakers at the conference.

 Sarah x

The Power Of Words

Words are the most powerful form of communication we have. They provoke so many emotions in us - love, hate, anger, joy, confusion, sadness, happiness, lust. The list goes on. Words can be used to build people up, to encourage and praise. Or can be used to bring people down and to be destructive. 

It’s amazing the power they have over us.

As human beings we are vulnerable creatures. Words might not be able to break bones, but they can be just as damaging and can leave scars of their own. 

Always remember - Once words are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

In today’s modern tech-savvy age, social media outlets like Facebook and Twitter are a great way of communicating, providing they are used properly and not abused. However, they can promote a false sense of confidence resulting in people being vindictive without fear of the consequences of their words, as they have something to hide behind.

For me personally, I follow the rule if I wouldn’t say something to someone’s face, then I don’t say it on social media like Facebook or Twitter, regardless of whether I know the person or not. 

There have been a few incidents over the last little while that has lead me to write this post. Peoples' words and actions have been spiteful or thoughtless, usually it has upset me and gotten me down.

Usually! But not anymore. I am not going to give their words the power to hurt me. I am making a conscious decision to be the bigger person in those situations and rise above it. Along with also choosing not to let their spite and negativity bring me down.

I actually feel sorry for them, that they think it is ok to act like that, to be so petty and childish. They are not very flattering qualities in a person, but then again, some people’s true colours aren’t very flattering.

Remember, what you say reflects who you are. Be mindful of your words; the effects they will have, or how someone will take them. Never underestimate the effect your words can have on others, so be careful with them and use them wisely.

Do not let others treat you poorly or bring you down with their words, for any reason at all. I know I don’t deserve to be treated that way, so these days I don’t put up with it. It’s as easy as that. If you let someone treat and speak to you poorly and don’t remove yourself from them, you are sending a message that behaviour is ok.

I’m not saying I am perfect in all of this, my record is definitely not clean. But I am learning from those mistakes and from the words I wish I hadn’t said and could take back. I am learning and trying to not let my words and actions be destructive to others.

Think to a time when you have received praise or a compliment. How did it make you feel? Was it all warm fuzzy? Did your confidence sky rocket? Did it put a smile on your face and a bounce in your step?

Now think of a time when someone has said something nasty. How embarrassed and hurt did it make you feel? Did that one comment make all of your self-doubt and insecurities come bubbling to the surface?

Which of those would you rather experience?

How much better is the feeling of knowing you’ve made someone’s day? That you have either motivated, inspired or encouraged them? It’s much nicer to know the words you have spoken have brought meaning to someone and boosted their self-esteem and confidence. I know I would rather have that feeling, then knowing I have hurt someone and done damage with my words.

Keep that in mind the next time you go to say something you shouldn’t. Like many of our mothers have said a thousand times – “if you haven’t got anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all!”

I personally believe when you think about someone, or think of something nice about them, you should let that person know. Send them a message, call them or send an email, whatever. Just let them know. Because what is the point of thinking it if you don’t let them know? That person may be in need of a hearing it.

So today I leave you with these final words:

Today will never come again.

Be a blessing. Be a friend.

Encourage someone.

Take time to care. Let your words heal, and not wound.

Today you have been given the greatest gift of all.....LIFE!

Live it with intention, purpose and gratitude.

Be kind to one another.

Till next time,

Sarah xox



Weekly Words Of Wisdom....

Till next time,
Sarah xox

Opinions & Respect

I am currently addicted to Instagram. It’s a photography application for your mobile where you can be an amateur photographer, taking and editing photos. It’s a great way to share your photos. As well as friends, I am also following a few celebs on Instagram and think it is great they connect with their fans that way and share snippets of their lives. It makes them seem like real people!

This week however, a certain celebrity, who I will call Mrs Celeb, posted a funny photo of her husband with the caption “Yep, I married this guy.”

One “fan”, who I will call “Fan Girl”, made the following comment:  “Sorry Mrs Celeb, but I think you went backwards in life with him, #ewwww, #ugly as f@#&”  

“…….. looks like an old man ready to die.”

Wow, seriously? I couldn’t believe this “fan” could be so rude.

Now each to their own, I know everyone’s tastes are different, especially in men. Everyone is also entitled to an opinion and different opinions at that, it’s what makes life diverse.

I don’t have a problem with people voicing their opinions, but I believe you need to be respectful when doing so.

So I couldn’t help myself, I replied to Fan Girls comment. My reply “Normally I am not the type to say anything, but Fan Girl I don’t think it’s fair that you leave those types of comments on a photo of Mrs Celeb’s husband! If you are a fan of hers, respect the fact it is her husband, the man she loves and keep those negative comments or yourself”

Good on “Fan girl” for having an opinion and voicing it. I wasn’t challenging her on her opinion because I disagreed with it; I challenged it because it was disrespectful. In today’s modern age, places like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are all about sharing information, your comments, likes and dislikes. They are public places. If you are going to put a comment out there, you need to be prepared that other people might not agree with you or they might have something to say about it.

Fan Girl later replied to me saying “Omg people, get off my d%&k, don’t forget that I live in USA, its called freedom of speech……... I don’t care what you say,  I’m still going to give my opinion at the end of the day.”

What has happened to the world when freedom of speech means being disrespectful? I am not saying that “Fan Girl” isn’t entitled to an opinion. She totally has the right to express herself and her opinion, but where do we draw the line between having an opinion and being disrespectful?

Just because we do have right to freedom of speech doesn’t give us a free pass to ignore common courtesies or manners. Yes we have the right, but there are responsibilities that go with it.  Respect being one of them.

My reply: “Fan Girl, I never said you are not entitled to an opinion. I’m a believer in everyone is entitled to an opinion and different opinions at that. I was just saying that it is a personal photo of Mrs Celeb’s and a photo of her husband, so she may not appreciate the type of comments you are leaving about him. That was all I was saying. So settle, I wasn’t hating on you.”

Please don’t get me wrong, or take this post the wrong way. I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t voice your opinion, or even disagree with another person’s opinion. All I am saying is express your opinions respectfully and thoughtfully.  

I don’t agree with all of my friends and family opinions, and I am sure they don’t agree with all of mine. But I respect their opinions and they respect mine. I thrive on other people’s opinions and perspectives; it’s often when I learn things. Just because someone has a different opinion to me doesn’t mean I will not have anything to do with them, or and take them off my Christmas card list.

We all have the right to freedom of speech, and no one should be excluded from voicing their opinions, but please try and be respectful to one another when doing so. If everyone tried, the world would be a better place.

Till next time,

Sarah xox

1. 
   

Weekly Words of Wisdom......

For this week’s words of wisdom I thought I would share a poem from E.E.Cummings “I carry your heart”.

He writes of a love that is untouched by the outside world; a love that stops the world, a kind of love that makes the rest of the world dissipate within its light.

This poem is my favourite and holds a special meaning as it was read at our wedding.

I hope you enjoy.

Till next time,

Sarah xox

Confidence...

People always amaze me when they say they think of me as a confident person.

Me, confident? Really?! Of all the words to describe myself, I don’t think confident would be one of them. I still need someone to hold my hand!

What those people don’t see behind the so called “confident” façade, is the inner monolog going on in my head.

“Ok Sarah, you can do this… Shoulders back, hold your head high, smile…… be friendly…. now say hello…. Good, now nod.……..agree…… pretend you know what they are taking about…….say something smart……….no! don’t start babbling………..ok stop taking……..really, stop taking……..…..STOP TALKING NOW!” And on and on it goes.

My inner voice is constantly at war! It’s like a Jekyll and Hyde situation going on, good vs evil, confident vs self-doubter.

While doing some research this week, I came across the website “Pick The Brain”, where this line jumped out at me –

“Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits!”

Yes, exactly! And it can sometimes be a fine line. There are times when I genuinely do feel confident, and it feels like anything is possible. But the feeling of being scared out of my wits usually wins out.

I am a creature of habit, so anything out of my comfort zone is, well, uncomfortable. When in an uncomfortable situation, 9 times out of 10 I don’t feel confident, but as long as I am the only one who knows that, then it's ok. 

My motto – "If you think you can or you can’t, than you are probably right!"

It applies to so many situations. But in the context of confidence I’ve changed the motto slightly to “pretend to know what you are doing or talking about, then everyone around you will think you do.”

It honestly works! I’ve learnt it all comes down to how people perceive you. You may be feeling one thing, for example not confident, but it all comes down to how you portray it.

Let me give you an example - About 2 years ago while I was still an office trainee, I was asked to give a presentation in front of the head honchos of my organisation. This including my boss, his boss, his boss’s boss and his boss’s boss’s boss!

At first my immediate reaction was hell no! But after thinking about it, I decided it was a good opportunity for me, so I agreed.

Anway, cutting to the chase, the big day came. I had dressed in my power suit and my cue cards were ready. I stepped up to the mic and started to give my presentation.

It felt like I melting into a pool of sweat, while shaking and mumbling and stumping all over the place with my words. But thankfully, I got through it.

Once I had finished and everyone was getting ready to leave, my boss’s boss’s boss, the Assistant General Manager, made a bee line for me. I immediately thought oh crap! I did terrible and he’s coming to tell me.

But little did I know, he was actually coming over to congratulate me on an amazing job, it was as great presentation. He told me that I was clear, confident and concise. He also made the point of telling me how impressed he was that I hid my nerves and held it together, because most people go to pieces having to do presentations like that in front of their bosses…………………..

I couldn’t believe it! Were we just in the same room and at the same presentation? I thought I was going to pieces? But it seems only on the inside. The outside was a cool, calm, collected and professional young lady………. apparently!

You see, perception is reality my friends. Because I was portraying being cool, calm and collected, everyone thought I was.

Maybe that saying “Fake it till you make it” has some truth. Act and pretend you are confident, and eventually you will learn how to be for real! I know it’s taught me.

I once read somewhere -

To successfully build self-confidence, you must use your thoughts to create an image of who you want to be, and your emotions to help you feel this amazing new you and then visualise & focus on it until it becomes your reality.

Confidence is such a personal thing. It is a pretty broad term and can be difficult to define as it is so different for everyone.  

To me, someone who is confident believes in themselves, their talents, their choices, their abilities and their personal strength. There is nothing more beautiful or attractive than a confident person!

However, confidence & self esteem are not to be confused. They are two different things, but often they go hand in hand.

As the website www.healthyplace.com states:

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall; how much esteem, positive regard or self-love you have. Self-esteem develops from experiences and situations that have shaped how you view yourself today.

 Self-confidence is how you feel about your abilities and can vary from situation to situation. I may have healthy self-esteem, but low confidence about situations involving math (this is true).

When you love yourself, your self-esteem improves, which makes you more confident. When you are confident in areas of your life, you begin to increase your overall sense of esteem. You can work on both at the same time.

We all have those days when you feel down on yourself and your self esteem is low. But sometimes low self esteem can be a learned behavior. You need to do something about it! Breaking and changing behavior and habits starts with you. You are in control and need to change it.

You need to ignore that negative voice inside your head that brings you down, and instead focus on the positive. Be optimistic and kind to yourself.

One of the keys to confidence is staying true to yourself! Be confident in who you are and the decisions you make.

Make decisions and do whatever feels right for you, no matter what other people think you should do, or worrying about what they will think. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t listen to other people’s advice, but in the end you need to make a decision that is right for you.

It is easier said than done, I know! I am a people pleaser. But lately I have been focusing on making decisions that are right for me and my life, without worrying about being judged or how people will feel about it. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first. I am also learning to speak up for myself and to voice my opinion; without worrying about what other people may think, or worrying they will disagree.

Creating this Blog was a big step for me! Putting all my thoughts out there for people to read and judge was scary! Now I’m so glad I did. It has been such a liberating experience, and I have gained so much confidence from it. I challenged myself and am proud of doing so.

So there you have it, my thoughts on confidence.

I encourage you to challenge yourself. Find that confidence you are lacking, believe in yourself, your talents, your choices, your abilities and your own personal strength.

 I will leave you with some tips to help you on your way……..

• Surround yourself with people that build you up, not tear you down.
• Be kind to yourself, don’t tear yourself down. Love yourself.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. You are you, an original! Uniquely made. Enjoy where you are at in life right now.
• Fear is crippling. The feeling of accomplishing something you feared far outweighs the fear itself.
• Recognize your insecurities, accept them. They are a part of you and make you who you are!
• Learn your strengths.
• Be positive.
• Stick to your principles. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.
• Be willing to take risks.
• Admit mistakes and learn from them.
• Accept compliments.
• Stay true to yourself.

Lastly, remember there is nothing more beautiful or attractive than a confident person.

Let your confidence radiate and inspire others!

Till next time,

Sarah xox

Goals….

I have been thinking a lot about goals lately, so today’s blog is to share my thoughts.

Zig Ziglar, an American author and motivational speaker once said:

“Goals are dreams we convert to plans and take action to fulfil.”

Without goals we have no direction, it’s as simple as that. Goals provide you with drive, focus and direction; they keep you on track.

You wouldn’t embark on a road trip without a map and knowing your final destination.  Life is a journey, so why should it be any different?

I once read somewhere:

“Keep your head and you heart in the right direction and you’ll never have to worry about your feet.”

When setting a goal, you think about and visualise your ideal future. The purpose of a goal is to serve as motivation to turn your vision of that future into a reality.

It is important when you are setting your goal that you ensure it is defined, achievable and measurable. The goal could be big or small, even long or short term.

By settling goals that are achievable, you promote self confidence and a sense of self once you achieve your goal. By having goals that are measurable, you can gauge your progress and what you have accomplished along the way.

Paul J Meyer has summed up the process of setting goals perfectly:

“Crystallize your goals. Make a plan for achieving them and set yourself a deadline. Then, with supreme confidence, determination and disregards for obstacles and other people’s criticisms, carry out your plan.”

 

Wondering where to start?

My number one tip for starting out would be to start a journal. Somewhere you can write your goal down, as well as your ideas and progress along the way.

Your journal will be a vital tool to help you along the way; to remind you of your goal, to help you stay on track, or for reflection to see how far you have come.

Still wondering where to start? I have broken down the process of goal setting into 5 easy steps.

Step 1) Set a goal –

Start by thinking of the bigger picture; the overall goal you wish to achieve.

Ask yourself what is it you want to do or achieve?

Ensure your goal is both achievable and realistic. Will you have the determination, strength, resources and willingness to achieve it?

When creating a goal, I often find the SMART method is useful to measure against.

S – Specific

M – Measurable

A – Attainable

R – Relevant

T – Time-bound

Does your goal apply to this method?

 

Write your goal/s down somewhere. In a journal or even just on a post it note. Make sure you have it written somewhere you can read it frequently.

Step 2) Make a plan –

Now you have your overall goal in mind, break it down into smaller goals which can be done step by step and will help you to achieve that overall goal.

Write the smaller goals down so you can tick them off as you achieve them. Each one ticked is a step closer to achieving your overall goal.

When creating your plan, ask yourself how are you going to work towards achieving the smaller goals and also the overall end goal?

Step 3) Get to work –

You have your plan and are ready to go! Start working on the smaller goals.

Make sure you don’t lose sight of the bigger picture and your overall goal. Stay focused.

4) Stick to it –

Take the time to reflect on your journey to ensure you are staying on track.

Record your progress. What has helped you? What has distracted you? What have you accomplished?

Reflection is an important part of the whole process. It will help to see if you are on track and will identify where you can improve.

Remember at some point you may encounter failure. But don’t give up!

Failure will be a part of the journey, but the trick is to keep trying. Learn from it. Real failure is giving up.

Step 5) REACH GOAL!

Enjoy the achievement and the satisfaction of having achieved your goal. If it was a major goal, or a long term goal reward yourself!

Again, take the time reflect on the journey to this point. Record the moment for later reflection & a tool to help when you are next setting a goal.

I hope you may find my tips useful.

Remember, you have no idea of what you are capable of until you try. Challenge yourself, you may just surprise yourself. Good luck!

Till next time,

Sarah xox