Opinions & Respect

I am currently addicted to Instagram. It’s a photography application for your mobile where you can be an amateur photographer, taking and editing photos. It’s a great way to share your photos. As well as friends, I am also following a few celebs on Instagram and think it is great they connect with their fans that way and share snippets of their lives. It makes them seem like real people!

This week however, a certain celebrity, who I will call Mrs Celeb, posted a funny photo of her husband with the caption “Yep, I married this guy.”

One “fan”, who I will call “Fan Girl”, made the following comment:  “Sorry Mrs Celeb, but I think you went backwards in life with him, #ewwww, #ugly as f@#&”  

“…….. looks like an old man ready to die.”

Wow, seriously? I couldn’t believe this “fan” could be so rude.

Now each to their own, I know everyone’s tastes are different, especially in men. Everyone is also entitled to an opinion and different opinions at that, it’s what makes life diverse.

I don’t have a problem with people voicing their opinions, but I believe you need to be respectful when doing so.

So I couldn’t help myself, I replied to Fan Girls comment. My reply “Normally I am not the type to say anything, but Fan Girl I don’t think it’s fair that you leave those types of comments on a photo of Mrs Celeb’s husband! If you are a fan of hers, respect the fact it is her husband, the man she loves and keep those negative comments or yourself”

Good on “Fan girl” for having an opinion and voicing it. I wasn’t challenging her on her opinion because I disagreed with it; I challenged it because it was disrespectful. In today’s modern age, places like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are all about sharing information, your comments, likes and dislikes. They are public places. If you are going to put a comment out there, you need to be prepared that other people might not agree with you or they might have something to say about it.

Fan Girl later replied to me saying “Omg people, get off my d%&k, don’t forget that I live in USA, its called freedom of speech……... I don’t care what you say,  I’m still going to give my opinion at the end of the day.”

What has happened to the world when freedom of speech means being disrespectful? I am not saying that “Fan Girl” isn’t entitled to an opinion. She totally has the right to express herself and her opinion, but where do we draw the line between having an opinion and being disrespectful?

Just because we do have right to freedom of speech doesn’t give us a free pass to ignore common courtesies or manners. Yes we have the right, but there are responsibilities that go with it.  Respect being one of them.

My reply: “Fan Girl, I never said you are not entitled to an opinion. I’m a believer in everyone is entitled to an opinion and different opinions at that. I was just saying that it is a personal photo of Mrs Celeb’s and a photo of her husband, so she may not appreciate the type of comments you are leaving about him. That was all I was saying. So settle, I wasn’t hating on you.”

Please don’t get me wrong, or take this post the wrong way. I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t voice your opinion, or even disagree with another person’s opinion. All I am saying is express your opinions respectfully and thoughtfully.  

I don’t agree with all of my friends and family opinions, and I am sure they don’t agree with all of mine. But I respect their opinions and they respect mine. I thrive on other people’s opinions and perspectives; it’s often when I learn things. Just because someone has a different opinion to me doesn’t mean I will not have anything to do with them, or and take them off my Christmas card list.

We all have the right to freedom of speech, and no one should be excluded from voicing their opinions, but please try and be respectful to one another when doing so. If everyone tried, the world would be a better place.

Till next time,

Sarah xox

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Weekly Words of Wisdom......

For this week’s words of wisdom I thought I would share a poem from E.E.Cummings “I carry your heart”.

He writes of a love that is untouched by the outside world; a love that stops the world, a kind of love that makes the rest of the world dissipate within its light.

This poem is my favourite and holds a special meaning as it was read at our wedding.

I hope you enjoy.

Till next time,

Sarah xox

Confidence...

People always amaze me when they say they think of me as a confident person.

Me, confident? Really?! Of all the words to describe myself, I don’t think confident would be one of them. I still need someone to hold my hand!

What those people don’t see behind the so called “confident” façade, is the inner monolog going on in my head.

“Ok Sarah, you can do this… Shoulders back, hold your head high, smile…… be friendly…. now say hello…. Good, now nod.……..agree…… pretend you know what they are taking about…….say something smart……….no! don’t start babbling………..ok stop taking……..really, stop taking……..…..STOP TALKING NOW!” And on and on it goes.

My inner voice is constantly at war! It’s like a Jekyll and Hyde situation going on, good vs evil, confident vs self-doubter.

While doing some research this week, I came across the website “Pick The Brain”, where this line jumped out at me –

“Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits!”

Yes, exactly! And it can sometimes be a fine line. There are times when I genuinely do feel confident, and it feels like anything is possible. But the feeling of being scared out of my wits usually wins out.

I am a creature of habit, so anything out of my comfort zone is, well, uncomfortable. When in an uncomfortable situation, 9 times out of 10 I don’t feel confident, but as long as I am the only one who knows that, then it's ok. 

My motto – "If you think you can or you can’t, than you are probably right!"

It applies to so many situations. But in the context of confidence I’ve changed the motto slightly to “pretend to know what you are doing or talking about, then everyone around you will think you do.”

It honestly works! I’ve learnt it all comes down to how people perceive you. You may be feeling one thing, for example not confident, but it all comes down to how you portray it.

Let me give you an example - About 2 years ago while I was still an office trainee, I was asked to give a presentation in front of the head honchos of my organisation. This including my boss, his boss, his boss’s boss and his boss’s boss’s boss!

At first my immediate reaction was hell no! But after thinking about it, I decided it was a good opportunity for me, so I agreed.

Anway, cutting to the chase, the big day came. I had dressed in my power suit and my cue cards were ready. I stepped up to the mic and started to give my presentation.

It felt like I melting into a pool of sweat, while shaking and mumbling and stumping all over the place with my words. But thankfully, I got through it.

Once I had finished and everyone was getting ready to leave, my boss’s boss’s boss, the Assistant General Manager, made a bee line for me. I immediately thought oh crap! I did terrible and he’s coming to tell me.

But little did I know, he was actually coming over to congratulate me on an amazing job, it was as great presentation. He told me that I was clear, confident and concise. He also made the point of telling me how impressed he was that I hid my nerves and held it together, because most people go to pieces having to do presentations like that in front of their bosses…………………..

I couldn’t believe it! Were we just in the same room and at the same presentation? I thought I was going to pieces? But it seems only on the inside. The outside was a cool, calm, collected and professional young lady………. apparently!

You see, perception is reality my friends. Because I was portraying being cool, calm and collected, everyone thought I was.

Maybe that saying “Fake it till you make it” has some truth. Act and pretend you are confident, and eventually you will learn how to be for real! I know it’s taught me.

I once read somewhere -

To successfully build self-confidence, you must use your thoughts to create an image of who you want to be, and your emotions to help you feel this amazing new you and then visualise & focus on it until it becomes your reality.

Confidence is such a personal thing. It is a pretty broad term and can be difficult to define as it is so different for everyone.  

To me, someone who is confident believes in themselves, their talents, their choices, their abilities and their personal strength. There is nothing more beautiful or attractive than a confident person!

However, confidence & self esteem are not to be confused. They are two different things, but often they go hand in hand.

As the website www.healthyplace.com states:

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall; how much esteem, positive regard or self-love you have. Self-esteem develops from experiences and situations that have shaped how you view yourself today.

 Self-confidence is how you feel about your abilities and can vary from situation to situation. I may have healthy self-esteem, but low confidence about situations involving math (this is true).

When you love yourself, your self-esteem improves, which makes you more confident. When you are confident in areas of your life, you begin to increase your overall sense of esteem. You can work on both at the same time.

We all have those days when you feel down on yourself and your self esteem is low. But sometimes low self esteem can be a learned behavior. You need to do something about it! Breaking and changing behavior and habits starts with you. You are in control and need to change it.

You need to ignore that negative voice inside your head that brings you down, and instead focus on the positive. Be optimistic and kind to yourself.

One of the keys to confidence is staying true to yourself! Be confident in who you are and the decisions you make.

Make decisions and do whatever feels right for you, no matter what other people think you should do, or worrying about what they will think. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t listen to other people’s advice, but in the end you need to make a decision that is right for you.

It is easier said than done, I know! I am a people pleaser. But lately I have been focusing on making decisions that are right for me and my life, without worrying about being judged or how people will feel about it. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first. I am also learning to speak up for myself and to voice my opinion; without worrying about what other people may think, or worrying they will disagree.

Creating this Blog was a big step for me! Putting all my thoughts out there for people to read and judge was scary! Now I’m so glad I did. It has been such a liberating experience, and I have gained so much confidence from it. I challenged myself and am proud of doing so.

So there you have it, my thoughts on confidence.

I encourage you to challenge yourself. Find that confidence you are lacking, believe in yourself, your talents, your choices, your abilities and your own personal strength.

 I will leave you with some tips to help you on your way……..

• Surround yourself with people that build you up, not tear you down.
• Be kind to yourself, don’t tear yourself down. Love yourself.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. You are you, an original! Uniquely made. Enjoy where you are at in life right now.
• Fear is crippling. The feeling of accomplishing something you feared far outweighs the fear itself.
• Recognize your insecurities, accept them. They are a part of you and make you who you are!
• Learn your strengths.
• Be positive.
• Stick to your principles. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.
• Be willing to take risks.
• Admit mistakes and learn from them.
• Accept compliments.
• Stay true to yourself.

Lastly, remember there is nothing more beautiful or attractive than a confident person.

Let your confidence radiate and inspire others!

Till next time,

Sarah xox

Goals….

I have been thinking a lot about goals lately, so today’s blog is to share my thoughts.

Zig Ziglar, an American author and motivational speaker once said:

“Goals are dreams we convert to plans and take action to fulfil.”

Without goals we have no direction, it’s as simple as that. Goals provide you with drive, focus and direction; they keep you on track.

You wouldn’t embark on a road trip without a map and knowing your final destination.  Life is a journey, so why should it be any different?

I once read somewhere:

“Keep your head and you heart in the right direction and you’ll never have to worry about your feet.”

When setting a goal, you think about and visualise your ideal future. The purpose of a goal is to serve as motivation to turn your vision of that future into a reality.

It is important when you are setting your goal that you ensure it is defined, achievable and measurable. The goal could be big or small, even long or short term.

By settling goals that are achievable, you promote self confidence and a sense of self once you achieve your goal. By having goals that are measurable, you can gauge your progress and what you have accomplished along the way.

Paul J Meyer has summed up the process of setting goals perfectly:

“Crystallize your goals. Make a plan for achieving them and set yourself a deadline. Then, with supreme confidence, determination and disregards for obstacles and other people’s criticisms, carry out your plan.”

 

Wondering where to start?

My number one tip for starting out would be to start a journal. Somewhere you can write your goal down, as well as your ideas and progress along the way.

Your journal will be a vital tool to help you along the way; to remind you of your goal, to help you stay on track, or for reflection to see how far you have come.

Still wondering where to start? I have broken down the process of goal setting into 5 easy steps.

Step 1) Set a goal –

Start by thinking of the bigger picture; the overall goal you wish to achieve.

Ask yourself what is it you want to do or achieve?

Ensure your goal is both achievable and realistic. Will you have the determination, strength, resources and willingness to achieve it?

When creating a goal, I often find the SMART method is useful to measure against.

S – Specific

M – Measurable

A – Attainable

R – Relevant

T – Time-bound

Does your goal apply to this method?

 

Write your goal/s down somewhere. In a journal or even just on a post it note. Make sure you have it written somewhere you can read it frequently.

Step 2) Make a plan –

Now you have your overall goal in mind, break it down into smaller goals which can be done step by step and will help you to achieve that overall goal.

Write the smaller goals down so you can tick them off as you achieve them. Each one ticked is a step closer to achieving your overall goal.

When creating your plan, ask yourself how are you going to work towards achieving the smaller goals and also the overall end goal?

Step 3) Get to work –

You have your plan and are ready to go! Start working on the smaller goals.

Make sure you don’t lose sight of the bigger picture and your overall goal. Stay focused.

4) Stick to it –

Take the time to reflect on your journey to ensure you are staying on track.

Record your progress. What has helped you? What has distracted you? What have you accomplished?

Reflection is an important part of the whole process. It will help to see if you are on track and will identify where you can improve.

Remember at some point you may encounter failure. But don’t give up!

Failure will be a part of the journey, but the trick is to keep trying. Learn from it. Real failure is giving up.

Step 5) REACH GOAL!

Enjoy the achievement and the satisfaction of having achieved your goal. If it was a major goal, or a long term goal reward yourself!

Again, take the time reflect on the journey to this point. Record the moment for later reflection & a tool to help when you are next setting a goal.

I hope you may find my tips useful.

Remember, you have no idea of what you are capable of until you try. Challenge yourself, you may just surprise yourself. Good luck!

Till next time,

Sarah xox

Weekly Words of Wisdom....

My goal this week - to let go & just be......

Till next time,
Sarah xox



Random Info About Me...

Hey readers,

Hoping you are all well and enjoying your weekend.

Thought I would do something a little different for this post.

I wanted to do something so you could get to know me a little better and to reveal the inner working of my mind. So I have found some random questions and answered them.

I would love to hear some of your answers, even if it’s only a few. So leave comments with your answers.

I hope you enjoy.

1. Use 3 words to describe yourself:

A walking contradiction

2. If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be?

I would love to throw a 1940’s style themed party! I am obsessed with the style of the 1940’s. It was an elegant, glamorous and romantic era.

3. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?

This is a hard one…. I think my life keeps getting better with age!

But if I had to pick it would be my age now, 26.

By age 26:

I have - learnt a lot, grown, matured, achieved great things.

I am - married, in love, successful, stable, happy, content, confident and happy with who I am.

4. If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor?

My Mum, because she is always right! I honestly don’t’ know how she does it????

5. If you could go back to any decade, what decade would it be any why?

The 1940’s!

I love the history, the lifestyle and culture, the big swinging bands, the dancing, the style, the fashion and hairstyles. I love it all and am absolutely fascinated by it.  

It was an era where women acted & dressed like ladies and men like gentleman. It was an era where chivalry still existed and was a time of romance!

6. If you could learn to do anything or be anything, what would it be?

I would love to be a writer!

7. Something new you have brought this week?

I brought myself a pod coffee machine! I am in love….

8. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

Well I already have had a name change. Originally I was going to be called Holly, but when I was born my older sister always loved to sing “Sarah” by Jefferson Starship, so my Mum & Dad fell in love with the name Sarah and named me it instead.

9. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet?

Alive - The Queen. I think she is a fascinating woman who has achieved so much in her life. Her life history is incredible.

Dead – Shakespeare. To tell him I am a big fan of his work. I’d love to have a coffee with him and talk about his work.

10. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do?

I would buy an expensive bottle of champagne. And probably another lottery ticket!

11. If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be?

The answer to how to successfully grow a money tree?

12. If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose?

Hmmm, a tough one……… but would have to go with Superwoman! Love to look that good in a leotard.

13. Which celebrity do you get mistaken for?

In some of my pictures, people often say Katy Perry or Lily Allen. Think it’s the dark hair?

14. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a vet or a hairdresser - which I was for 6 years.

15. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up?

I am a big crier! I tear up over a book or show all the time, just ask my Husband.

But the most recent time was while watching an episode of One Tree Hill….. Haley had just given birth to Lydia. Brooke was holding Lydia and crying trying/pretending she was happy, but really she was crying because the adoption of another baby girl born at the same time had fallen through for Brooke. Gets me every time!

16. What do you miss most about being a kid?

The lack of responsibility! It’s hard work being an adult.

17. What is your favourite memory of being a kid?

All my Christmases! They were such a magical time. Mum is a big Christmas fan and both she and Dad would go to extremes making it special for my sister and I.

At the start of every December our house would be turned into a Christmas extravaganza! Dad would be working on the outside decorating the lawn and stringing up Christmas lights. While Mum and us girls would tackle the inside.

There was no inch of the outside of our house not covered in lights. No walls inside were left uncovered from tinsel. The tree would be decked out with a mixture of ornaments - from new store brought ones, to some Mum had inherited and to ornaments my sister and I had made.

Christmas day would see my sister and I getting up at the crack of dawn to see if Santa had been. We were not only eager to see if he had left presents, but see if he had ate his cookies, drunk his milk, and left us a letter.

We always thought that Santa’s writing was really messy. (Later we would discover he was writing left handed! As did the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny!)

We would pick up presents and feel them to see if we could guess what they were. Then we would proceed to wait and wait and wait, then eventfully giving up and go and jump on Mum and Dad to wake them up!

Christmas Day would be spent half with each side of the family. We would play, eat and laugh all day long! Looking back now, especially with loved some loved ones gone, I appreciate just how special those Christmases were.

18. What is something you learned in the last week?

That I have been pronouncing the word salivate completing wrong! I was pronouncing it sal-va-tate instead of sal-i-vate.

19. What story does your family always tell about you?

There are 2:

The first being the time the self-serving soft ice cream machine got stuck at Sizzlers!

They think I was being a porky serving myself a massive serving of ice cream, but the machine honestly got stuck and I couldn’t stop it! To this day they still don’t believe me but it was the honest truth.

The second story is how I got my nick name “Smasher” – let’s just say that I was a bit of a chubby baby/kid and was a little rough. I use to break a lot of things and walk through things instead of around. I was permanently covered in bruises!

20. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?

Florence and The Machine “Never Let Me Go”.

21. What is one of your favourite quotes?

Be the change you want to see in the world - Gandhi

22. What is your favourite sport to play or watch?

Netball! It is my passion, I love it.

I have been playing ever since I was 5 and will keep playing until my body or age stops me.

23. Who is your favourite artist?

Leonid Afremov - impressionistic artist who works mainly with a palette knife and oils.

24. What sound do you love?

The sound of rain! There is something so tranquil & calming about it. I could sit and listen to it for hours.

25. What is your favourite season, author or book, movie, band or singer?

Season: Autumn. I love the colours the tree’s turn and the weather is perfect.

Colour: Hot Pink

Book: I am a book worm so this is a hard one!

One of my favourite authors would have to be Philippa Gregory. In particular her Tudor series and The Cousin’s War series, amazing reads. I love historical fiction, I am a bit of a history fanatic.

Movie: There are so many, I am a movie buff. LOVE the Harry Potter and Twilight series, geekish I know! Pearl Harbour is definitely a favourite too.

Bands: Florence and The Machine, Birds of Tokyo

Singer: Dallas Green / City and Colour

          Till next time,

Sarah xox